Protection and Protectionism in Wounded Families

This was our topic in the multi-family parent support group held July 2, 2024.

Theoretical background

As parents of troubled teens or stuck young adults we often struggle with the competing efforts of protecting our kids from risk or danger and empowering them to face life, its challenges, and sometimes its consequences (from which we hope they’ll learn). This is a tricky balance, especially when our problematic offspring either demonstrate recklessness, e.g., putting themselves in harm’s way, or, challenge us as being too controlling and depriving them of age-appropriate activities. How does one find the balance?

One strength members of the multi-family parent support group acknowledge, derives from your contact with each other and the opportunity to learn, compare notes, and receive support to find the balance between protecting and risk-taking that ultimately feels right to you.

At group level: Describe your kid and where you have fallen on this continuum between protecting and opening up. Then we’ll split into small groups and take up the questions below.

In your family of origin:

What did parents seem concerned about protecting you children from?

What was the effect on you of their effort to do so (did it limit you? Help you?)

What could you have used more protection from?

In your family of today:

What do you attempt to protect your children from? Your family from?

How do others respond to your protecting behavior(s)?

Talk about your experiences of powerlessness with regards to protection you are or have been unable to provide.